Here I am

So different and yet so equal than what I was. Funny reading old posts. Then I was still going to college, not even yet a junior, but than again already an ex-teacher. Then I had so many questions, but my texts were light, not so dark as they are now. Then I had so much more life, and I daresay, maybe more wisdom. It would be funny if it wasn't tragic the realization of own's involution. i wanna be proud of myself. I finished school with a 3.95 GPA in the best public school in the planet. I graduated in Economics, a super cool degree. I got a job where the 1% work too. I live in a beautiful luxury apartment. I pay for my bills but wait those are things mostly from the past. What have I done to improve myself now? I run here and there, but even in such a simple task I fail.Impulsivity and lack of planning have been the devils of my life. I need to be able to focus and really start something and go to the end with it. My estranged husband always said that to me. He was right.

Fazer o que

Cada vez que o ano vira, o dia vira, o minuto vira mais eu percebo que e tao complicado entender qualquer coisa que esta ali implorando para ser entendida... talvez essas coisas querem tanto serem compreendidas porque elas nao tem idea do que sao, pra que servem e que merda elas estao fazendo aqui... e tudo acaba caindo no tao mais completo abstrato que no final todos nos acabamos virando essas tais coisas... cada vez que o mes vira, a noite vira, o segundo vira mais eu falho em entender, mais eu perco a visao, mais eu cego meu horizonte, mas sera que e porque eu expandi meu campo visual ou estreitei meu campo mental? vai saber... e dificil dizer, extremamente complicado de entender, preciso fazer uma regressao e quam sabe absolutamente falando eu entendo mais e vejo mais, mas relativamente eu entendo bem menos ou vejo menos do que entendo... sei la... um dia eu morro e esse problema acaba - ja dizia meu bisavo segundo o que minha mae diz... e la vamos nos descobrir se eu entendo o que ele quis dizer com isso...

Buses

Going to the glittering life of the buses. Up and down, run... miss, up and down, wait..., up and down... get there! That is the trajectory of my life, of my everyday life. I enjoy catching the bus for several reasons, but the main one is because I truly feel that I am within the city's living organism. People all so different, people all with their own dynamics, problems, lives... some of them never notice me, some of them look at me distractively and loose their minds again in different thoughts or go searching for a view that is more pleasant to them... but some of them stare at me... It is as if they were trying to read me, read my soul, trying to define my devils, to expose my interior so the whole world can see or step upon it... I stare back, I stare until they realize that I am not backing down... I have not met someone who tried to defeat me yet... I wonder if you are there, but if you bought a car... oh well, I hope it breaks down someday, my bus leaves in 10 minutes, better walk to the station!

Mariana

Ei garota tão serelepe
Vens brincando no seu querer
Vê se cuida, não amadurece
Pois tua leveza temo padecer


És belíssima como criança
Deusa nos olhos da criação
Vê se conquista sua temperança
Não se permita cair em desilusão

Olhe o mundo com olhos infantis
Sonhe teus sonhos com doce feição
Enquanto não ama com olhos febris
Há de na alegria achar solução

Viva sempre pequenina!
Viva sempre doce menina!